“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate – our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” by Marianne Williamson
This is my favorite quote. I read it a long time ago and then couldn't find it but today out of the blue it was on some zen-ish blog that I subscribe to. It is so me. I tend to get quite anxious at times and a little obsessive about worrying...usually about simple, illogical things that totally distract me from the time at hand and thrust me into an uncertain future. I was told one time that it was generalized anxiety disorder which meant that my panic episodes were basically beyond my control. That was a reassuring one.
I recently have aligned these worried times in my life to periods of stagnation. Doing lots of things, none really personally stimulating...maybe more like none really individual to my own personal accomplishments. I am going through the motions of Mom, wife, etc...all very important tasks and special to my heart, but I am failing to do anything that puts me out there. I recently decided in my pursuit to just get myself figured out that I would revisit a therapist. And she asked me a very important question..." If you were on a plane all by yourself flying to a far away place and your next door seat neighbor asked you to tell about yourself, what would you say?" She was trying to get me to realize that there was very little in my life that I could claim on my own. And she was right in a way. My first things to share would be about my kids and what they are like and do...and of course I could share about my chickens and my running, my reading of deep stuff like Thomas Merton and the like. So looking at it from that perspective I do a lot. At first, I thought "wow! I really don't have my own identity. I need to do something personally fulfilling." She even suggested going back to school to be guess what??? A marriage and family therapist of all things! Funny, but I have thought about that quite a bit even before her suggestion. But after thinking about going back to school and looking at the daunting task of taking the GRE, going through the application process and financial aid...then on to the logistics of someone keeping the kids two nights a week, juggling it all, etc...I ALMOST shrinked back in my shell, grabbing onto my precious accomplishments like my half-marathon and my garden and my deep reading and my thinking like a crazy obsessed hypochondriac...when it started hitting me. It's not that I don't do things. I do lots. I love life (which is another of her questions), I really love life. I am so hopeful and energetic and even sometimes fun. It's not even that I don't have gratitude.
You know what my problem is? I do it all in a box. In the safety of my home with my family, in my back yard. I think what I am missing is the "Out there, risking myself in an environment that is not my own" kind of experiences. I am naturally a pretty shy, introverted type person. So being a home maker doesn't force me out there. When I was in school I was forced out there by the nature of being out there. But now I am in here. And sure, I can be PTC president, but I don't really care about that. And I can chair a committee at church, but I don't really care about that. It just seems like in those capacities there is always someone waiting who is more vocal and "busier" than me who really WANTS the job, so my point of view is to give it to them...happily. I really don't "need" anything other that a platform of my own. Just a place to be heard, get a little feedback and rebuild my confidence "out there". When I think about it that way, the panic ridden obsessive voices of my intricate psychology subside. I think those voices just might be my warning whispers when my life is a little out of balance. And this time I am going to listen.
I think it took until now. These periods of what I call my "psychology" started after the birth of Weston, continued after the birth of Miles and have constantly peeped their heads ever since. But they are good voices...indicators of something else. The first therapist who wanted to label them and medicate them was just my first indication that it was something deeper. This time the new therapist was telling me something I really already knew. I just didn't have the confidence yet to act on it. When she suggested Therapy...I looked at her like she was crazy and told her I had thought about that lots of times but thought I was too crazy myself. Then she told me something I already knew again. She told me that I am not crazy. or messed up. or weird. I do know these things, but it is nice to have an almost complete stranger tell them to me.
It kind of makes me think of Tom Hanks in that movie where he is stranded on the island. I think being a stay at home can kind of be like that to some of us. Like being stranded on an island. It's a great island, and my kids are much more company than a volleyball, but there is still something missing. And Moms can guilt themselves for years over wanting to escape sometimes because Lord knows there is enough on the island to keep them busy and even enough on the island to entertain and humor them. But sometimes I think we just need the confirmation that we can build the boat we need with the tools we have to escape if we need to. That's the little bit of the confidence boost we need. And that is enough.
So many things in this world come into my head that fill it with ideas of inadequacies blah, blah, blah! But I am gonna dive in. I am not going to compromise my greatness for a bunch of puny fears of being inadequate. Wish me luck!;o)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
stuff...
I have about decided that my main enemy in life is stuff. I am just not good at dealing with it. It overwhelms me. The main struggle in my life is prioritizing the stuff in my house, the stuff in my mind, the stuff that gathers as barriers between people I love...my stuff literally overcomes me and causes me to throw up my hands in defeat. Well, I say that. However, I am not easily defeated. The will is there so I never truly give up which is a good thing because otherwise I might just go over the edge and be featured on one of those weird shows that showcase hoarders or something. I guess the stuff in my life is just my battle for now...the one I fight daily to clean out but never really know how far to go.
What I wouldn't give for a little perspective. How nice it would be to get in someone else's shoes and see how they resolve their battles with the stuff that ultimately binds all of us. Well, I am guessing it does. I am sure there are people who manage things a bit tighter than I, who see things a little more black and white, who have a little stronger guidance in the home. Maybe I could learn some things. Like to get rid of the dadgum hand me downs that I don't even like with out feeling overwhelmed by what I am going to do with them, without feeling guilt at the thought of wasting them, or guilt over the person who gave them to me...what in the world is THAT???? These are not blaring ideas inside my mind, just what causes me to avoid things.
Stuff can even come in the form of not reconciling past dreams to present realities...this stuff can pretty much turn a sunny day quite cloudy. Like hanging on to parenting strategies that worked when the kids were little, but don't really work now at their current ages. That sentimentality of what I could do for Owen and Weston that now would only be possible in some sort of time warp, binds me into inaction.
Or the years into a marriage where layers and layers that used to be purged through so much talking and time together are now just fortified by the opposite experiences. Too little time together, too many misunderstandings, too much to do. OK this sounds pretty doom and gloom. And sometimes it is. Pretty darn doomy and gloomy.
But mainly it is not. Mainly it seems to be a time in life to constantly get up, brush off my knees from the dirt and grime that accumulates when I fall...which I do quite often... and start again. I think that's what it's all about. Seeing the good in the stuff, through the stuff and out of the stuff. That's the beauty in human beings...we've got that little spark of hope and endurance and triumph over the barriers that bind. I will continue to give away the crap, keep looking to new strategies that work in both parenting and marriage and look upward for the internal light that keeps me enthused.
Meanwhile, I seem to like thinking about this kind of stuff, talking about it and muddling through it. The stuff will always be here...taking on different forms as my life changes and transforms. And I will keep sorting it, trashing it, wading through it. you name it. Rock on...
Oh yeah, by the way, I am running and I ran 12.34 miles last Saturday WITHOUT STOPPING!!!! Well, that is something I have NEVER done before and it felt good. Not really the running, though even that is not as hard as my mind would have me believe, but what felt really good is the sense of satisfaction of doing something I have never felt good at. I can do it. Next Sunday is my 36th birthday and I plan on running 13.1 miles the day before in prep for my big half marathon at Disney on March 7!!! Wahoooo!!!
What I wouldn't give for a little perspective. How nice it would be to get in someone else's shoes and see how they resolve their battles with the stuff that ultimately binds all of us. Well, I am guessing it does. I am sure there are people who manage things a bit tighter than I, who see things a little more black and white, who have a little stronger guidance in the home. Maybe I could learn some things. Like to get rid of the dadgum hand me downs that I don't even like with out feeling overwhelmed by what I am going to do with them, without feeling guilt at the thought of wasting them, or guilt over the person who gave them to me...what in the world is THAT???? These are not blaring ideas inside my mind, just what causes me to avoid things.
Stuff can even come in the form of not reconciling past dreams to present realities...this stuff can pretty much turn a sunny day quite cloudy. Like hanging on to parenting strategies that worked when the kids were little, but don't really work now at their current ages. That sentimentality of what I could do for Owen and Weston that now would only be possible in some sort of time warp, binds me into inaction.
Or the years into a marriage where layers and layers that used to be purged through so much talking and time together are now just fortified by the opposite experiences. Too little time together, too many misunderstandings, too much to do. OK this sounds pretty doom and gloom. And sometimes it is. Pretty darn doomy and gloomy.
But mainly it is not. Mainly it seems to be a time in life to constantly get up, brush off my knees from the dirt and grime that accumulates when I fall...which I do quite often... and start again. I think that's what it's all about. Seeing the good in the stuff, through the stuff and out of the stuff. That's the beauty in human beings...we've got that little spark of hope and endurance and triumph over the barriers that bind. I will continue to give away the crap, keep looking to new strategies that work in both parenting and marriage and look upward for the internal light that keeps me enthused.
Meanwhile, I seem to like thinking about this kind of stuff, talking about it and muddling through it. The stuff will always be here...taking on different forms as my life changes and transforms. And I will keep sorting it, trashing it, wading through it. you name it. Rock on...
Oh yeah, by the way, I am running and I ran 12.34 miles last Saturday WITHOUT STOPPING!!!! Well, that is something I have NEVER done before and it felt good. Not really the running, though even that is not as hard as my mind would have me believe, but what felt really good is the sense of satisfaction of doing something I have never felt good at. I can do it. Next Sunday is my 36th birthday and I plan on running 13.1 miles the day before in prep for my big half marathon at Disney on March 7!!! Wahoooo!!!
Friday, January 29, 2010
February is a great month
Ok...I am one of those people who write cathartically...I write when I need to get something out. So looking back over posts, I seem to sound as though I may need to delve into psychology some...possible even therapy;O) And while I know I owe no one an explanation, I feel for my own sake, I must defend myself by saying I think for the most part I sail through life relatively sane. That said, here I am entering into my favorite time of the year...February...on that same rough road of questioning where the heck I am going!
Well, February is not really my favorite time of the year, but it does signal some very special events. The first is that Winter is finally coming to an end. Winter stops being cool for me after Christmas, when the fires in the fireplace have lost their newness and the ashes have won over into being a dusty film over the living room, the Christmas toys have now mingled with the resident toys into some kind of unrecognizable clump of mismatched parts and pieces strewn throughout my house, the appeal of all my favorite winter veggies has turned into a begrudging question...oh my god, what old vegetable am I going to roast this lovely evening and finally, the kids are wearing me thin with their energy that has been pent up over the much too short and too cold days!...And we live in Georgia! This is some major insight into why we didn't survive very long in the arctic cold of Denmark. I also like February because of Valentines day...the pink and red combo is just fun and happy and my birthday, which is just my day. I like it.
That said, it's interesting to me that as I get older, I find lots more answers to the questions I have asked over the years...but the questions keep coming...and keep getting bigger. Just as I find the answer to one thing I see a new way of applying it to something else that leads me to a new awareness of some facet of life or God or me. I used to think that as I got to be a grown up I would get to a point of just being me and I would be in this place of OK...I'm done...I know everything and can start living. When I realized it wasn't that way, man, I freaked. Trying to control everything is tough. It can drive you nuts and almost did. Well, I kept learning and I have grown into new understandings of myself and my place in the world. I thought I was "done"...haha...now I have been realizing that I have to change. Sometimes when you are busy growing and realizing, you make observations about your belief systems and you misinterpret the observations as changes within yourself. But an observation is merely internal until you make it a part of your life. As I have grown over the past 5 years, I have made many observations and realizations about my beliefs about kids, how they learn, what they need, I have realized things about God and Jesus and where I think church fits in and how I think I am supposed to respond as a believer in this world...I have even learned the ways I want to react to myself with love and have delved into the ideas of meditation some and living more naturally and holistically...I have made some changes. But not big ones. I think this internal upheaval I am now experiencing is going to deliver the goods. My insides seem to be saying, "OK you have done the inside work Amanda. Now is the time to step out and live them on the outside." This is particularly hard for me, a relatively shy, historically people-pleasing person, who now needs to break out and change schools, possibly change churches and to some degree change the way I live. Not that any of it is bad or even warrants change. That got me for a long time. I thought in order to make a change I had to deem the status quo as bad, without repair or at least relatively broken. Which it's not. It's just that a lot of it isn't me or the direction I am going internally and the friction of that contrast is starting to wear.
Change is hard, but good. Life is a journey and whether you want to be a part of the ups and downs, they aren't asking permission. They are taking you along.
Well, February is not really my favorite time of the year, but it does signal some very special events. The first is that Winter is finally coming to an end. Winter stops being cool for me after Christmas, when the fires in the fireplace have lost their newness and the ashes have won over into being a dusty film over the living room, the Christmas toys have now mingled with the resident toys into some kind of unrecognizable clump of mismatched parts and pieces strewn throughout my house, the appeal of all my favorite winter veggies has turned into a begrudging question...oh my god, what old vegetable am I going to roast this lovely evening and finally, the kids are wearing me thin with their energy that has been pent up over the much too short and too cold days!...And we live in Georgia! This is some major insight into why we didn't survive very long in the arctic cold of Denmark. I also like February because of Valentines day...the pink and red combo is just fun and happy and my birthday, which is just my day. I like it.
That said, it's interesting to me that as I get older, I find lots more answers to the questions I have asked over the years...but the questions keep coming...and keep getting bigger. Just as I find the answer to one thing I see a new way of applying it to something else that leads me to a new awareness of some facet of life or God or me. I used to think that as I got to be a grown up I would get to a point of just being me and I would be in this place of OK...I'm done...I know everything and can start living. When I realized it wasn't that way, man, I freaked. Trying to control everything is tough. It can drive you nuts and almost did. Well, I kept learning and I have grown into new understandings of myself and my place in the world. I thought I was "done"...haha...now I have been realizing that I have to change. Sometimes when you are busy growing and realizing, you make observations about your belief systems and you misinterpret the observations as changes within yourself. But an observation is merely internal until you make it a part of your life. As I have grown over the past 5 years, I have made many observations and realizations about my beliefs about kids, how they learn, what they need, I have realized things about God and Jesus and where I think church fits in and how I think I am supposed to respond as a believer in this world...I have even learned the ways I want to react to myself with love and have delved into the ideas of meditation some and living more naturally and holistically...I have made some changes. But not big ones. I think this internal upheaval I am now experiencing is going to deliver the goods. My insides seem to be saying, "OK you have done the inside work Amanda. Now is the time to step out and live them on the outside." This is particularly hard for me, a relatively shy, historically people-pleasing person, who now needs to break out and change schools, possibly change churches and to some degree change the way I live. Not that any of it is bad or even warrants change. That got me for a long time. I thought in order to make a change I had to deem the status quo as bad, without repair or at least relatively broken. Which it's not. It's just that a lot of it isn't me or the direction I am going internally and the friction of that contrast is starting to wear.
Change is hard, but good. Life is a journey and whether you want to be a part of the ups and downs, they aren't asking permission. They are taking you along.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Fall is Flying By...
Our Crew...
Well, here it is mid- November and we are really rocking with lots of activity. Miles had a birthday party on Halloween, then lots of school stuff and just good times in general. I haven't had a lot of time to write but I have been reflecting some. We just got a new computer and we downloaded all of our pictures onto it. It puts together a random slide show and it is so great. Well, great mixed with extremely reminiscent. Especially when I see how much my kids have grown. Time really does fly. Here are some pics of this month. I take a lot of Alice right now. She is getting to be so much fun and she is girly. That's cool. I love to dress her now because she can walk and actually look cute in dresses. This is a great time of year for that. Life is good. The rest in pics...
Alice sports her cow print dress...
My latest apple pie...
Alice in her sweater dress...
Miles dressed up as Mr. D for school...
Jello brains we brought for "Gross Goodies" Day at Owen's school...
Weston loves to play at the park...
A picture of the sun rising over the Medical Center that Owen donated to our local kids cancer support center, Jay's Hope...
Miles and his day of birthday cake...
Alice rides a pony...
Danish Aebleskivers we made for Diversity Day at Owen's school...
Alice loves lollipops and she scored this one at Miles's friends bday party...Sometimes being the little sister has it's advantages;o)
Well, here it is mid- November and we are really rocking with lots of activity. Miles had a birthday party on Halloween, then lots of school stuff and just good times in general. I haven't had a lot of time to write but I have been reflecting some. We just got a new computer and we downloaded all of our pictures onto it. It puts together a random slide show and it is so great. Well, great mixed with extremely reminiscent. Especially when I see how much my kids have grown. Time really does fly. Here are some pics of this month. I take a lot of Alice right now. She is getting to be so much fun and she is girly. That's cool. I love to dress her now because she can walk and actually look cute in dresses. This is a great time of year for that. Life is good. The rest in pics...
Alice sports her cow print dress...
My latest apple pie...
Alice in her sweater dress...
Miles dressed up as Mr. D for school...
Jello brains we brought for "Gross Goodies" Day at Owen's school...
Weston loves to play at the park...
A picture of the sun rising over the Medical Center that Owen donated to our local kids cancer support center, Jay's Hope...
Miles and his day of birthday cake...
Alice rides a pony...
Danish Aebleskivers we made for Diversity Day at Owen's school...
Alice loves lollipops and she scored this one at Miles's friends bday party...Sometimes being the little sister has it's advantages;o)
Friday, October 2, 2009
Desiderata and my Pretend Book
I read this poem on a blog I sometimes like to keep up with. I gather it is fairly popular and has some historical significance. Somehow I have never read it. I like it.
Desiderata
-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"!
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Me again: What's not to like or wish to aspire to? Hope it has brightened your day. We are doing good. VERY Busy, but not particularly productive business. Just the business of here and there, to and fro, ups and down...the business of life. Good though. I have been writing more. Trying to make it into a discipline. Struggling a bit with some issues of intellect...ie spiritual...churchy...social. And then writing about them. I am pretending to be writing a book. I say "pretending" because if I say I am writing a book my brain will put so much pressure on myself that it most likely will never go anywhere. So, "Hi, my name is Amanda. I am 35 years old and every night for approximately one hour, I pretend to write a book." haha;o)
Here is an excerpt:
On another note, I have been growing…hopefully always will. But I have seen a lot lately as I explore faith, spirituality and individuality, that the more I look around and do this kind of modern deduction of "hey, here are all the ways of looking at things…and I know because I can google anything…I think I will choose to be like this and TEACH myself to be that way…because hey, I have bought into all this self help and it even says in the bible I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And I live in America where we can do anything. Anyway, I'll just change who I am, bypass the learning and go straight to the right answer..so there!" Well, since I have subconciously adopted this kind of thought life, I have seen my individuality fading. Thinking this way is a compromise that promises perfection but delivers disappointment. I want to be me. Mistakes and all. And I will be me, mistakes and all no matter what I do…the question is: whose will the mistakes be? Mine or someone else's? Hmmm. I like me when I let myself be me. I think I am pretty darn right on. Shouldn't we all think that about ourselves? I think that's how God intended us to be at our fullest. I'm working on it.
Have a good one!
Desiderata
-- written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s --
Not "Found in Old St. Paul's Church"!
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Me again: What's not to like or wish to aspire to? Hope it has brightened your day. We are doing good. VERY Busy, but not particularly productive business. Just the business of here and there, to and fro, ups and down...the business of life. Good though. I have been writing more. Trying to make it into a discipline. Struggling a bit with some issues of intellect...ie spiritual...churchy...social. And then writing about them. I am pretending to be writing a book. I say "pretending" because if I say I am writing a book my brain will put so much pressure on myself that it most likely will never go anywhere. So, "Hi, my name is Amanda. I am 35 years old and every night for approximately one hour, I pretend to write a book." haha;o)
Here is an excerpt:
On another note, I have been growing…hopefully always will. But I have seen a lot lately as I explore faith, spirituality and individuality, that the more I look around and do this kind of modern deduction of "hey, here are all the ways of looking at things…and I know because I can google anything…I think I will choose to be like this and TEACH myself to be that way…because hey, I have bought into all this self help and it even says in the bible I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And I live in America where we can do anything. Anyway, I'll just change who I am, bypass the learning and go straight to the right answer..so there!" Well, since I have subconciously adopted this kind of thought life, I have seen my individuality fading. Thinking this way is a compromise that promises perfection but delivers disappointment. I want to be me. Mistakes and all. And I will be me, mistakes and all no matter what I do…the question is: whose will the mistakes be? Mine or someone else's? Hmmm. I like me when I let myself be me. I think I am pretty darn right on. Shouldn't we all think that about ourselves? I think that's how God intended us to be at our fullest. I'm working on it.
Have a good one!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A Great Book and other fun...
Good day! I am again surprised at how long I go without updating this thing. You know, I really haven't caught up to myself after the birth of Miss Alice. Something about having 4 kids spaced at these intervals...each in their own stage has been a challenge. But it is teaching me grace on many different levels. Giving grace to them and more difficult: to myself. Living with the fact that I simply CANNOT keep my house clean at this point in my life is a pretty hard pill to swallow. Not that I am even a neat freak but I do gain a certain peace from seeing a bit of artistic balance in my rooms that ideally would not be littered with toys, undies, fruit loops...you get the picture.
Luckily our artistic endeavors are continuing...just not in the style of Pottery Barn. Alice ate a blue magic marker last night which created a striking effect on her lips;o) and my boys have taken up spray painting anything they can find out in the yard. They recently pimped up their old cozy coupe with some chalkboard and gold metallic paint they found in the garage. It truly is pretty funny.
Alice loves the ghetto coupe...notice the fingerpaint on my house!!??!!
Intellectualizing the idea that you should be able to relish spending time with your kids over your own stuff comes pretty easy to me. But I am learning as I gain both age and perspective that the challenge starts after I "understand" how to do something. That's where I seek God. Funny that you can make sense of the way things should be in your mind (even the way you want them to be), but doing them comes as a constant battle of wills. I have learned some points of surrender at this phase in my life. Doing all the things you know are right is just not quite as easy as it seems to me. Man, that's a bummer because I always thought I would just see where I want to go and go there...but in my experience it's a little tougher than that. It usually entails giving up something of myself. Which it turns out is a bonus. I am getting there.
I just finished reading the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller...I am not a huge book reader. Just because I usually fall asleep before I get anywhere. But this book was like I could have written it. I absolutely loved it and thought it was a great fresh view on following Christ that I can really identify with. I have been on this kind of "non religious" path for a while and well, this book kind of defines why. Well, I say non religious...not like I have given up church and live in a bus...but just that I don't think Christ looks like the typical American church. To me the two are very different. That again is something I am intellectualizing, but not sure yet how to live...more patience.
Our trip to Italy was amazing. Alice, Brian, my Mom and I had a blast exploring, getting lost, experiencing, tasting...it was great. It was a Boeing conference for the Chinook helicopter and Boeing was more than hospitable. We enjoyed everything from an authentic Italian dinner and party on a countryside farm to a formal dinner at an old medieval city center palace. Add to that all of Rome, the Vatican (preps us for Owen's Catholic school next year), Colosseum, Forum, Tuscany, wine, pizza and it was fabulous. I was really glad I got to share it with my Mom who has always wanted to travel there. Here are a TON of pics...but if you want to browse, feel free!
We just returned from our family beach trip to Jekyll and it also was a lot of fun. I did rename it a family reunion as opposed to "vacation"...just semantics I know, but it was a lot of work getting that many people on the same page for some relaxation. All things considered I think we did a darn good job!
Lastly, Alice just celebrated her one year birthday...can't believe it's been a year. Typical response, I know. My best friend from middle school surprised me and visited. She helps me more than she knows. Especially when I planned running a 5K the evening we got back from Jekyll and Alice's party at 2pm the next day...needless to say, Thanks, Robin!!!! The party was great and Alice loves her NON PAINTED cozy coupe that is all hers!
Oh yes,and here are her two bday cakes...the pink elephant for her joint party at the beach with cuz Evelyn made by me and Sara and the second, her lady bug cake made by a very rushed me...she didn't seem to mind;o)
Until next time...CIAO!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Hello?
We are still here!!!
We are doing quite well, just don't ever update this blog...so I thought either get rid of the darn thing or update it. I am updating! I have already gotten rid of my facebook, so this is a good compromise for me on the whole keep up with people via the internet thing. Facebook was way too much for me. There is just something so not right about it...but that is for another discussion;o)
This video pretty much sums up our life right now...crazy! Warning: for first time Moms: you may find this pretty scary and find yourself thinking..."that baby's head is WAY too close to the coffee table!!!", but I assure you she was fine. She can keep up with her 4 year old brother that's for sure. For that matter she can keep up with all of her brothers. It is cool. Strong woman!
Other than that...I am covered with my annual poison ivy infestation. School is wrapping up. We are getting ready for a gorgeous summer of fun and relaxation. Brian, Alice, my Mom and I will be traveling to Rome the end of this month. My brave sister Sara has offered to watch the other 3 boys...Courageous girl;O) Then the pool, long days, Jekyll and somewhere in there I am dying to meet Mr. Addison my new nephew who lives in Virginia!
We have had a great Spring. I got to dress a girl for Easter...she stayed in that dress all day. Owen has entered a Doodle for Google contest and we are awaiting results, and we finally decided on a middle school option for Owen. It is a Catholic private middle and highschool that is a good mix of diversity, arts and academic excellence, with spiritual training as well. I know I sound like a commercial, but I did enough research on this decision that I am well qualified to speak on the subject...haha. Here is the link: Mount de Sales Academy
Weston is playing the guitar still, albeit, less enthusiastically than this time last year, but we are staying with it through the hump...and I am running still and actually liking it still. Brian is working his butt off, but that seems to be what he wants to do. So we are blessed. Here are some pictures....and maybe I'll be better at updating from now on.
Oops I've run out space to add more pics...I am gonna have to buy some more space on this world wide web...I'll add them later this week!
Love, Amanda
We are doing quite well, just don't ever update this blog...so I thought either get rid of the darn thing or update it. I am updating! I have already gotten rid of my facebook, so this is a good compromise for me on the whole keep up with people via the internet thing. Facebook was way too much for me. There is just something so not right about it...but that is for another discussion;o)
This video pretty much sums up our life right now...crazy! Warning: for first time Moms: you may find this pretty scary and find yourself thinking..."that baby's head is WAY too close to the coffee table!!!", but I assure you she was fine. She can keep up with her 4 year old brother that's for sure. For that matter she can keep up with all of her brothers. It is cool. Strong woman!
Other than that...I am covered with my annual poison ivy infestation. School is wrapping up. We are getting ready for a gorgeous summer of fun and relaxation. Brian, Alice, my Mom and I will be traveling to Rome the end of this month. My brave sister Sara has offered to watch the other 3 boys...Courageous girl;O) Then the pool, long days, Jekyll and somewhere in there I am dying to meet Mr. Addison my new nephew who lives in Virginia!
We have had a great Spring. I got to dress a girl for Easter...she stayed in that dress all day. Owen has entered a Doodle for Google contest and we are awaiting results, and we finally decided on a middle school option for Owen. It is a Catholic private middle and highschool that is a good mix of diversity, arts and academic excellence, with spiritual training as well. I know I sound like a commercial, but I did enough research on this decision that I am well qualified to speak on the subject...haha. Here is the link: Mount de Sales Academy
Weston is playing the guitar still, albeit, less enthusiastically than this time last year, but we are staying with it through the hump...and I am running still and actually liking it still. Brian is working his butt off, but that seems to be what he wants to do. So we are blessed. Here are some pictures....and maybe I'll be better at updating from now on.
Oops I've run out space to add more pics...I am gonna have to buy some more space on this world wide web...I'll add them later this week!
Love, Amanda
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Gratitude
We just returned from a whirlwind trip down to St. Pete for the funeral of my great Aunt Kathryn. She has been living here in Macon for the last few years in an assisted living home. She died Monday...which was also the last time I visited her. We always visited her on Mondays. That is my Dad's day off so he and I along with Miles and Alice would go hang out with her for a few minutes and visit. It was not something I loved doing, although it wasn't bad either. Just going there was kind of hard, especially making Miles TRY to sit still and "visit" is not easy. She also wasn't herself, although there were still glimpses of her humour that seeped through. She was a hoot in her earlier years. But we were her only remaining family aside from my grandfather(her brother) and a couple of her nephews. She never had any children of her own.
So when she passed away, my Dad and I decided that we would bid her farewell in the style of our Monday visits and take Miles and Alice with us to the funeral. It would have been very easy not to go. Alice nurses and a 7 hour trip down and back in two days was a bit daunting. But with DVD player for Miles in tow, we set out on our adventure. I am so glad we did.
As a rule, I think we all get very busy in the comings and goings of our lives...so much so that we forget how we got where we are. And if we remember how we got where we are, we often attribute it to the decisions we made in getting there. But this trip really brought me face to face with family that I hardly ever knew, whose lives are over now, but who are still forever intertwined with mine. So cool. I got to see glimpses of the Sassaman's who came to Florida in 1926 from a frigid home in Michigan to save the life of one of their five children who was sickly in the cold northern climate. They ended up in St. Pete where my great grandfather eventually became principal of St. Pete high school. They raised 5 kids there and built their house where they lived for the next 60 plus years with their own hands. I know they made mistakes and had ups and downs. But without them I couldn't be building my life right now. It is neat to know that the life's work of each generation paves the way for the next and we keep building...just trying to do what's right for ourselves and others. It's a history that is as much relevant in the past as it is right now. Giving all that you are capable of to connect the yesterdays with the tomorrows. It inspires me to know more about all of the the generations that came before on both sides of my family. How very valuable they are. I want to remember to teach these important stories to my children so they know none of us live in isolation from those that come before or after us...we live to the greater good of all.
I know this is kind of sappy and I think my Mom brain makes me a less pensive writer than I used to be, but if I could get anything right in my head to summarize what I am saying its this: It's so valuable to recognize the lives of those that came before us because by them living their everyday to the fullest they were giving the gifts of mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, stories of hope, courage, lessons of love, mistakes and failures. All these experiences turn into beautiful stained glass windows of experience with which we can look through one side and see our past and the other side and see our future. So often we think those windows we look through are just our own, but if we really look we can see the colors and shapes that make up the other generations that came before us. How much more meaningful things can be when seen with gracious eyes looking through those beautiful windows!
Okay, okay...I gotta clean this house my family is making windows in...so that's all the deep thoughts I get for today!! Happy Saturday!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Years...
Well, Christmas has come and gone and it was a good one. Not just in terms of presents...although I think the kids made out quite well, but also in volume of memorable activities with our whole family. You can't beat that one. Everyone was here this year...my sisters, their husbands and kids. We are a big clan now...it's crazy! And just continuing to grow.
This year I have many hopes and dreams. I get so sappy at New Year's thinking about the year that has gone and filled with anticipation at what is to come. 2008 brought Baby Alice into our lives which was truly awesome and unbelievable. I am hoping 2009 will bring some much needed organization and direction for the next part of our lives where we anticipate being out of "the babies on the way stage" since all of our little ones are finally here!
I have struggled this year with how to keep my head on straight with all of the chaos of having 4 kids, a husband who works too much, kids at very different stages and my own wants and dreams. Admittedly, sometimes my dream is to just wake up to a clean kitchen! It's funny but this 4Th kid has really rocked my world. I think I have always been a little organizationally challenged, but I used to be able to keep up on some level. Seems lately I am barely able to keep my head above water. People going here and there, feeding baby round the clock, dealing with a 3-4 year old Miles, school projects, traveling Brian, Weston's often fun behavior...sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. All that said, at the end of the day I am always thankful that we made it through and we all love each other and we get another day to try again.
I enjoy watching people and I really enjoyed having both of my sisters here. They are quite different from each other and I can see parts of myself in each of them. It was neat for me to see that as different as they are, it is quite amazing that I am able to observe in them things that I can refresh in myself. One is so organized and practical, the other more free spirited...It is my hope to embody both in myself and have some time to reflect a bit on who I am in this world.
Perhaps 2009 will bring some much needed time to prioritize, organize, reflect and keep growing. It's so cool in life that you just keep plugging along until your time runs out. Perseverance is something that you don't necessarily appreciate in your youth. Luckily I am still young-ha- but really, I always wanted everything right here and right now. It is awesome to see that as life goes on you relish the fact that waiting and perseverance is an actual PRIVILEGE! How lucky I am to keep plugging along while God molds and transforms me into who he has planned for me to be. Maybe this year he has a bit more organizational rhythm in mind for me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...and helping him out with my own desire (and 9 cube organizer from Lowe's).
We are truly blessed and even in the messiness of this life it is the presence of those we love that make us whole. I already have that. Maybe my quest for a bit more predictable rhythm will just clear the fog away for me to see my blessings more clearly. Hope 2009 brings many blessings for you and yours! Happy New Year!
This year I have many hopes and dreams. I get so sappy at New Year's thinking about the year that has gone and filled with anticipation at what is to come. 2008 brought Baby Alice into our lives which was truly awesome and unbelievable. I am hoping 2009 will bring some much needed organization and direction for the next part of our lives where we anticipate being out of "the babies on the way stage" since all of our little ones are finally here!
I have struggled this year with how to keep my head on straight with all of the chaos of having 4 kids, a husband who works too much, kids at very different stages and my own wants and dreams. Admittedly, sometimes my dream is to just wake up to a clean kitchen! It's funny but this 4Th kid has really rocked my world. I think I have always been a little organizationally challenged, but I used to be able to keep up on some level. Seems lately I am barely able to keep my head above water. People going here and there, feeding baby round the clock, dealing with a 3-4 year old Miles, school projects, traveling Brian, Weston's often fun behavior...sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. All that said, at the end of the day I am always thankful that we made it through and we all love each other and we get another day to try again.
I enjoy watching people and I really enjoyed having both of my sisters here. They are quite different from each other and I can see parts of myself in each of them. It was neat for me to see that as different as they are, it is quite amazing that I am able to observe in them things that I can refresh in myself. One is so organized and practical, the other more free spirited...It is my hope to embody both in myself and have some time to reflect a bit on who I am in this world.
Perhaps 2009 will bring some much needed time to prioritize, organize, reflect and keep growing. It's so cool in life that you just keep plugging along until your time runs out. Perseverance is something that you don't necessarily appreciate in your youth. Luckily I am still young-ha- but really, I always wanted everything right here and right now. It is awesome to see that as life goes on you relish the fact that waiting and perseverance is an actual PRIVILEGE! How lucky I am to keep plugging along while God molds and transforms me into who he has planned for me to be. Maybe this year he has a bit more organizational rhythm in mind for me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...and helping him out with my own desire (and 9 cube organizer from Lowe's).
We are truly blessed and even in the messiness of this life it is the presence of those we love that make us whole. I already have that. Maybe my quest for a bit more predictable rhythm will just clear the fog away for me to see my blessings more clearly. Hope 2009 brings many blessings for you and yours! Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Now, here's a Mom!
You may have seen this one before...I have. But it gets funnier (and freakishly more applicable) every time I see it! Enjoy!
The Mom Song from Northland Video on Vimeo.
The Mom Song from Northland Video on Vimeo.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Deep thoughts: What is a grown up!?!
Well, it's already November. Wow! We are having a beautiful Fall. The leaves are actually colorful, the weather is cool and the kids are in school. All wonderful attributes to this season. As I stay at home for my tenth year of parenting, I realize that despite the routines of my day, I am in an absolute lack of knowledge of what I am doing. Maybe I 'know" less now than ever. That's a doozy. I often expect myself to be perfected in my life of mom, wife and woman. The traditional (and quite blessed, might I add) Mom of 4 beautiful, smart children. The driver of a spiffy 2008 Honda Oddyssey. The caretaker of a perfect suburban masterpiece of a home. But despite it all, my brain is quite bored.
Now the kids are always a thrill. I say that honestly. Watching Alice grow and nursing her in her footy pajamas while it drizzles a cold wet rain outside is absolute bliss. Even watching a Spongebob episode for the millionth time and discussing it's life meaning with my now 4 year old Miles is an absolute trip. Even keeping up with the spelling words of an always energetic Weston is a lesson in why running on the treadmill is vital to my success as a Mom. And especially the challenges of ten year old Owen who lives in his own world 200% of the time, yet seems to know everything about how the real world should be run, reminds me constantly that even as my kids get older they need me more than ever.
All this said, it seems the struggle for me comes in deciding how to deal with the practicality of managing this lfestyle with the reality that it's my life too and I want an interesting one. Seems every 5 years or so I ride this wave of restlessness that takes me somewhere different. It wells up from the inside and comes rushing out of my heart. It's made me quite anxious several times as I fought it fierecly. Pretty futile when thinking about actually trying to stop a wave of water from rushing in on the sandy beach. It just can't happen. It's like I want change. I want to show my kids the world! I want to dream and follow the dreams I come up with! I want to LIVE and BREATHE and MOVE and CHANGE. But all the while my idealistic thoughts are taking shape, the realities of the world line up outside my door and tell me how much money I need to make these things real and how I need a nice backyard for the kids and how the kids need a stable school life.
You may ask, how radical are your dreams? Well, not really. But those darn annoying realities line up just the same. For example, I found a house in the midtown section of Macon. Beautiful really. Perfect maybe. Everything that I would dream of in a house and it's just a house anyway. But maybe the neighborhood is not as safe. Maybe the backyard is not as big. The whole school situation would have to change. It's really old, so what would that be like? I guess my question is "How do you know when it's OK to make a change without knowing how it will all play out ahead of time? How do you know when to take a risk when you have 4 kids in tow? How do you trust in God's providence when all you hear is practical parenting?" Seems silly really, but it's these everyday scenarios that I struggle with. Making little decisions to temporarily appease the big ones seems to be my regular line of defense. Growing up. I admire the people who just don't think about things so much!
This awesome house...Click Here...
Friday, September 12, 2008
Fifth grade fun...
Quick update...we are doing great getting adjusted to life as a family of 6. Well, GREAT is obviously a very relative term. It's crazy. Brian has been traveling, I had mastitis (an infection of, yes, the BREAST) AGAIN, and the kids school lives are ramping up...it all makes for some fun. I am learning to let things go and take a bit more "light" approach to life. Learning also is a relative term. Maybe I am becoming more aware of my need to learn these things!
Owen is memorizing Abe Lincoln's Gettysburg Address and is doing a stellar job. He has apparently not inherited my fear of public speaking which I Forced myself to overcome for high school debate and theater. I have challenged him to a memorization contest and he is whipping my butt. But I will give myself credit...I am a bit busy. Anyway, as I have watched him work with these famous words I have been reminded of one of my favorite Fife moments! Thank goodness for youtube!
Alice is growing and will be 8 weeks tomorrow. She truly is a joy and I am amazed at how she is just one of us. Life's cool like that. She's here and although initially unexpected, it's like it could be no other way. Here's a pic of her little smiley self...
Signing off for now,
Amanda
Owen is memorizing Abe Lincoln's Gettysburg Address and is doing a stellar job. He has apparently not inherited my fear of public speaking which I Forced myself to overcome for high school debate and theater. I have challenged him to a memorization contest and he is whipping my butt. But I will give myself credit...I am a bit busy. Anyway, as I have watched him work with these famous words I have been reminded of one of my favorite Fife moments! Thank goodness for youtube!
Alice is growing and will be 8 weeks tomorrow. She truly is a joy and I am amazed at how she is just one of us. Life's cool like that. She's here and although initially unexpected, it's like it could be no other way. Here's a pic of her little smiley self...
Signing off for now,
Amanda
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
She's HERE!!!
Alice Amanda Hood
July 19, 2008
6:00 PM
7 lb. 5.8 oz.
19 1/4" long
and beautiful!
We are all getting adjusted to being at home and she already feels like she has been here forever, although routines are changing daily...I guess that's not called a "routine", huh? Anyway, the boys are adjusting and life is good!
Here are some pictures of our newest little one:
July 19, 2008
6:00 PM
7 lb. 5.8 oz.
19 1/4" long
and beautiful!
We are all getting adjusted to being at home and she already feels like she has been here forever, although routines are changing daily...I guess that's not called a "routine", huh? Anyway, the boys are adjusting and life is good!
Here are some pictures of our newest little one:
Friday, July 11, 2008
No baby yet and other stuff...
Well, no baby yet. But technically there is not supposed to be. Human impatience is a tough one. I keep reminding myself that I have te easiest job here on earth. Just chill out and let my body do as God designed it. Sometimes I just want to help a little too much. Oh well.
Miles is eager for someone to be in the baby's bed...so he figured it might as well be him. Here is a picture of him cozing up;o)
I finally have Owen's portrait at home. His art teacher, Debbie, put some of her work on a website and "Owen" has gotten some good comments. Thought you might want a look at some of her other art. Check out Debbie Anderson at the Fine Art America website.
Miles is eager for someone to be in the baby's bed...so he figured it might as well be him. Here is a picture of him cozing up;o)
I finally have Owen's portrait at home. His art teacher, Debbie, put some of her work on a website and "Owen" has gotten some good comments. Thought you might want a look at some of her other art. Check out Debbie Anderson at the Fine Art America website.
Monday, July 7, 2008
She's Crafty!
I have had a serious case of nesting...so I am here to boast on some of my latest projects. I have been intrigued for a while by the artistic endeavors taken on primarily by women in our history. These truly are the lost arts of domestic engineering and they are truly beautiful. To me, quilting, pie making, preserving, gardening and the like are activities that I can be a part of that connect me to a history of women who have been dedicated to keeping their homes safe and beautiful places for their families to dwell. The other appealing idea is that these tasks are functional. In a world where everything can be purchased, I am left with the question of what point is there in me staying home if there is nothing personal about the space in which we live? What legacy am I leaving that is more meaningful than that of babysitter and taxi cab driver?
All that said, here are some of my projects:
I made a quilt for the baby's room. It took some time, but not nearly the amounts that people think. A little here and there. The main requirement was leaving the sewing machine out on the dining table for a few weeks so I could use my snippets of time here and there. I think it turned out great. I took a quilting class about 6 years ago so I had some experience, but the main thing about this project was getting started. It is by no means perfect, but endearing just the same.
Ta daaa!
Another thing I have been obsessed with is pie making. I love getting my hands in the making of the crust. This one is truly a delicate art and one I have made my fair share of mistakes. For the fourth I made a peach and blueberry pie and my crust recipe was right on. This pie truly tasted as good as it looks! Yea! Laura said I should post my recipe, but some things are better kept secret...ha!
Anyway, we are all doing well and are waiting this baby. I am trying to look at childbirth with the same old fashioned view as my quilting and pies. That one is a little more difficult! No pain, no gain, right? Hopefully...?
All that said, here are some of my projects:
I made a quilt for the baby's room. It took some time, but not nearly the amounts that people think. A little here and there. The main requirement was leaving the sewing machine out on the dining table for a few weeks so I could use my snippets of time here and there. I think it turned out great. I took a quilting class about 6 years ago so I had some experience, but the main thing about this project was getting started. It is by no means perfect, but endearing just the same.
Ta daaa!
Another thing I have been obsessed with is pie making. I love getting my hands in the making of the crust. This one is truly a delicate art and one I have made my fair share of mistakes. For the fourth I made a peach and blueberry pie and my crust recipe was right on. This pie truly tasted as good as it looks! Yea! Laura said I should post my recipe, but some things are better kept secret...ha!
Anyway, we are all doing well and are waiting this baby. I am trying to look at childbirth with the same old fashioned view as my quilting and pies. That one is a little more difficult! No pain, no gain, right? Hopefully...?
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I'm Back!
Gosh, it's been so long since my last post, that I don't know where to start. For my own sanity I'll do a quick wrap up. Public school ended the year as mostly redeeming. Owen was accepted into gifted for next year, made some new friends and learned how to be a little more flexible in all areas. Weston's reading soared, he literally made a perfect score on the reading portion of the "BIG to do" standardized test the teacher was afraid he wouldn't pass because of different curriculum issues. He also has a boosted ego because he is competing with people more his own speed, instead of comparing himself to his main homeschooling peer, Owen. Miles is maturing and is so excited about being a big brother he could pop. Of course, she hasn't arrived yet, so we'll see what reality will do.
I am doing well. Still adjusting to the thought of doing all this baby stuff again, but trying to be understanding of the necessity of approaching each parent child relationship differently and not being too hard on myself that this one will be different. What with me having stayed home for 10 years already, I have definitely outgrown the phase of new motherhood, realizing the importance of taking some time for myself along the way. Everything is a transition which is the beauty I suppose. That said, i am getting so excited about this new phase of my life.
We visited Laura and Gwyneth in Virginia earlier this summer and had a lot of fun. We flew which was so worth forgoing the 12-13 hour drive for me and the kids. Here are some pics...
At home we have been enjoying Georgia summers...hot, humid, sticky, green and WONDERFUL! I absoluely LOVE this time of year. Miles and I have cultivated quite a garden, I have been working on the baby a quilt and we have been reveling in a baby spider building a web on our front window...this one the baby of our mama from last year. It was such an affirmation when we spotted it a couple of weeks ago. I will add some pics of these also.
Hope all is well for whoever reads this blog...and keeps up with us this way. Oh and I didn't mean to leave Brian out...he is working harder than ever. My wish for him is a little more relaxation in the days ahead, but for now he is plugging away...
Amanda
I am doing well. Still adjusting to the thought of doing all this baby stuff again, but trying to be understanding of the necessity of approaching each parent child relationship differently and not being too hard on myself that this one will be different. What with me having stayed home for 10 years already, I have definitely outgrown the phase of new motherhood, realizing the importance of taking some time for myself along the way. Everything is a transition which is the beauty I suppose. That said, i am getting so excited about this new phase of my life.
We visited Laura and Gwyneth in Virginia earlier this summer and had a lot of fun. We flew which was so worth forgoing the 12-13 hour drive for me and the kids. Here are some pics...
At home we have been enjoying Georgia summers...hot, humid, sticky, green and WONDERFUL! I absoluely LOVE this time of year. Miles and I have cultivated quite a garden, I have been working on the baby a quilt and we have been reveling in a baby spider building a web on our front window...this one the baby of our mama from last year. It was such an affirmation when we spotted it a couple of weeks ago. I will add some pics of these also.
Hope all is well for whoever reads this blog...and keeps up with us this way. Oh and I didn't mean to leave Brian out...he is working harder than ever. My wish for him is a little more relaxation in the days ahead, but for now he is plugging away...
Amanda
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Obama?
This is a political video I received that brought some new facts to my eyes about Obama. This guy does need to be scrutinized to say the least...It's 13 mins. so I don't blame you for hesitating to watch it. But it is worth the time. As always, I view objectively but this guy is scary!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Progress?
I wrote this as a letter to the editor of our local paper...I've sent them in before and I haven't been published, but I'll try again. This is a topic of interest to anybody who cares about stopping haphazard land development. That's my semi-environmental spouting! Ha!
The controversy surrounding Georgia’s Jekyll Island is one that has been around since human beings entered the scene on the world stage. It all centers on progress and our innate desire to create and improve that which we have dominion over. Progress can be defined in many ways, but most would agree that progress in all definitions involves certain elements of change and growth. How these ideals are implemented is where the disagreement comes in regarding progress.
My own personal relationship with Jekyll Island began as a one year old playing in the sandy beaches of the island with my parents and maternal grandparents. My grandparents began staying on Jekyll Island soon after it was opened as a public beach for Jekyll’s citizens. My mother grew up going there, as did my sisters and I. Obviously, there are many sentimental reasons I could give for stopping further development of the island that holds so many dear memories for me. And while I see each of these reasons as being extremely important to maintaining the qualities possessed by this beautiful island, I am not so naive as to believe these reasons are relevant for everyone who has ever or will ever visit the island. However, being objective, I still have an overall opinion on the proposed redevelopment of Jekyll Island. What bothers me surrounding this issue is not the actual ideas of development and progress that must come to the island, whether we like it or not, but how this is being carried out as a war of power and politics with little to no regard for the island itself.
I am a mother now to three little boys, and am expecting our fourth child soon. My husband, children and myself just returned last week from this place of beauty and I am reinvigorated on my platform regarding this issue. There is no denying that Jekyll could use a simple facelift. The shops at the entrance to the island are architecturally outdated and could be remodeled to fit in better with the scenery and drop their 70’s appearance. OK, whatever. Even the convention center could use some improvements, and if that involves a complete overhaul, OK, whatever. Also, the hotels that were outdated have already been torn down and should be rebuilt right where they were to provide nice places for visitors to stay, OK; we’re already on that, thanks. However, it is the ignorant opinions that I continue to hear and read about that bother me. To say that Jekyll is in bad disrepair and to give the idea that the island is about to fall over from lack of “progress”, simply tells me that the people making these remarks have either not visited Jekyll recently or are not inclined to like a quiet beach atmosphere anyway. These are fine viewpoints to have when choosing your beach destination. But to impose these viewpoints on an island that is simply different from other places you prefer to visit is both unfair and wrong. No place will ever please everyone and to make this an issue of pity toward Georgia residents who “need” a better place for vacation that is not rundown is not an idea I appreciate. First of all, an island that is “underdeveloped” does not equal an island that is in poor disrepair or badly needs developing. It simply is what it is. Jekyll is a quiet place of stillness, unrefined, and full of natural beauty, while still being convenient enough to stay on and be comfortable. It is not Hilton Head, St. Simons, Sea Island, etc… nor does it need to be. There is nothing wrong with these places, but to suggest that Jekyll is “less than” because it is not one of these places is simply ignorant. Human beings have made footprints on Jekyll Island. These footprints can and should stay and even be improved upon. But to come in and make more footprints, move footprints, argue over footprints, stomp on other’s footprints is taking on the human agendas of money, greed and assumptions over what the people of Georgia need and want, while completely disregarding the island itself. I have learned in my adult life that sometimes it is in the still quiet moments that the truth can be heard. Yet, everyday, it is our human desire to drown out those moments with more noise and stuff, all in the name of progress. Everyone who is involved in the decision making process regarding Jekyll Island needs to take a weekend there relishing in it’s quiet beauty. Listening to the island and not your own inner desires for more, more, and more. Then an appreciation may come for what Jekyll’s place in the world should be. If it does not, that’s OK, too. That’s when you will know that Jekyll is not the destination for you and when making future plans, you should make them elsewhere. It does not mean that it is now time to conform Jekyll to your needs and desires just because the money is in your pocket, or there is money to be made, or those poor Georgians need a better island!
This “poor” Georgian is thrilled with my beach choices. Jekyll even has the fancy stuff! I have never seen a place more beautiful than the Millionaire’s village and it was developed over a century ago. It is residing in its original footprint and is coming alive again. So the next time you think of this issue as one of progress, remember this quote from C.S. Lewis who said, “We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.” I think we have an obligation to this great island to preserve her beauty, clean up our outdated footprints and leave her alone for the people who want a still, quiet refuge to enjoy. We still have time for that about-turn Lewis spoke of, and to make the truly progressive choice for Jekyll Island.
If this is your opinion also, go to www.savejekyllisland.org and see what you can do right now to allow your voice to be heard!
The controversy surrounding Georgia’s Jekyll Island is one that has been around since human beings entered the scene on the world stage. It all centers on progress and our innate desire to create and improve that which we have dominion over. Progress can be defined in many ways, but most would agree that progress in all definitions involves certain elements of change and growth. How these ideals are implemented is where the disagreement comes in regarding progress.
My own personal relationship with Jekyll Island began as a one year old playing in the sandy beaches of the island with my parents and maternal grandparents. My grandparents began staying on Jekyll Island soon after it was opened as a public beach for Jekyll’s citizens. My mother grew up going there, as did my sisters and I. Obviously, there are many sentimental reasons I could give for stopping further development of the island that holds so many dear memories for me. And while I see each of these reasons as being extremely important to maintaining the qualities possessed by this beautiful island, I am not so naive as to believe these reasons are relevant for everyone who has ever or will ever visit the island. However, being objective, I still have an overall opinion on the proposed redevelopment of Jekyll Island. What bothers me surrounding this issue is not the actual ideas of development and progress that must come to the island, whether we like it or not, but how this is being carried out as a war of power and politics with little to no regard for the island itself.
I am a mother now to three little boys, and am expecting our fourth child soon. My husband, children and myself just returned last week from this place of beauty and I am reinvigorated on my platform regarding this issue. There is no denying that Jekyll could use a simple facelift. The shops at the entrance to the island are architecturally outdated and could be remodeled to fit in better with the scenery and drop their 70’s appearance. OK, whatever. Even the convention center could use some improvements, and if that involves a complete overhaul, OK, whatever. Also, the hotels that were outdated have already been torn down and should be rebuilt right where they were to provide nice places for visitors to stay, OK; we’re already on that, thanks. However, it is the ignorant opinions that I continue to hear and read about that bother me. To say that Jekyll is in bad disrepair and to give the idea that the island is about to fall over from lack of “progress”, simply tells me that the people making these remarks have either not visited Jekyll recently or are not inclined to like a quiet beach atmosphere anyway. These are fine viewpoints to have when choosing your beach destination. But to impose these viewpoints on an island that is simply different from other places you prefer to visit is both unfair and wrong. No place will ever please everyone and to make this an issue of pity toward Georgia residents who “need” a better place for vacation that is not rundown is not an idea I appreciate. First of all, an island that is “underdeveloped” does not equal an island that is in poor disrepair or badly needs developing. It simply is what it is. Jekyll is a quiet place of stillness, unrefined, and full of natural beauty, while still being convenient enough to stay on and be comfortable. It is not Hilton Head, St. Simons, Sea Island, etc… nor does it need to be. There is nothing wrong with these places, but to suggest that Jekyll is “less than” because it is not one of these places is simply ignorant. Human beings have made footprints on Jekyll Island. These footprints can and should stay and even be improved upon. But to come in and make more footprints, move footprints, argue over footprints, stomp on other’s footprints is taking on the human agendas of money, greed and assumptions over what the people of Georgia need and want, while completely disregarding the island itself. I have learned in my adult life that sometimes it is in the still quiet moments that the truth can be heard. Yet, everyday, it is our human desire to drown out those moments with more noise and stuff, all in the name of progress. Everyone who is involved in the decision making process regarding Jekyll Island needs to take a weekend there relishing in it’s quiet beauty. Listening to the island and not your own inner desires for more, more, and more. Then an appreciation may come for what Jekyll’s place in the world should be. If it does not, that’s OK, too. That’s when you will know that Jekyll is not the destination for you and when making future plans, you should make them elsewhere. It does not mean that it is now time to conform Jekyll to your needs and desires just because the money is in your pocket, or there is money to be made, or those poor Georgians need a better island!
This “poor” Georgian is thrilled with my beach choices. Jekyll even has the fancy stuff! I have never seen a place more beautiful than the Millionaire’s village and it was developed over a century ago. It is residing in its original footprint and is coming alive again. So the next time you think of this issue as one of progress, remember this quote from C.S. Lewis who said, “We all want progress, but if you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive.” I think we have an obligation to this great island to preserve her beauty, clean up our outdated footprints and leave her alone for the people who want a still, quiet refuge to enjoy. We still have time for that about-turn Lewis spoke of, and to make the truly progressive choice for Jekyll Island.
If this is your opinion also, go to www.savejekyllisland.org and see what you can do right now to allow your voice to be heard!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Easter and Jekyll...Spring is here!
We had a great Easter and an even better Spring Break at Jekyll! It was so nice to get away and the beauty of Jekyll surpassed anything I could imagine. That place always amazes me with it's quiet, simple beauty. It truly is my favorite place in the world. I plan on being more poetic in the very near future...but for now I will leave it at that. I don't even know if anyone reads this, but I find updating it is a way for me to document all the little and big things. Maybe like I used to do in a scrapbook, but not as time consuming. Kind of like reminding myself..."Wow! I DO have a life!" ha... But seriously, the mundane of life can get in the way of seeing all the meaningful things you do...a string of meaningful events scattered among the everyday. They are all important and beautiful in their own way.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Building Cathedrals
I received this in my email today. It is so great that I wanted to post it somewhere. It has taken me my whole life so far to realize the things we do may never be recognized during our lifetimes, but they matter just the same. This especially rings true for us stay at home Moms who may find ourselves wondering, "What am I doing with my life!!??!" Well, read on...
Invisible Mother...... .
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this ? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fued by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Invisible Mother...... .
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this ? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fued by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
