Gratitude

We just returned from a whirlwind trip down to St. Pete for the funeral of my great Aunt Kathryn. She has been living here in Macon for the last few years in an assisted living home. She died Monday...which was also the last time I visited her. We always visited her on Mondays. That is my Dad's day off so he and I along with Miles and Alice would go hang out with her for a few minutes and visit. It was not something I loved doing, although it wasn't bad either. Just going there was kind of hard, especially making Miles TRY to sit still and "visit" is not easy. She also wasn't herself, although there were still glimpses of her humour that seeped through. She was a hoot in her earlier years. But we were her only remaining family aside from my grandfather(her brother) and a couple of her nephews. She never had any children of her own.

So when she passed away, my Dad and I decided that we would bid her farewell in the style of our Monday visits and take Miles and Alice with us to the funeral. It would have been very easy not to go. Alice nurses and a 7 hour trip down and back in two days was a bit daunting. But with DVD player for Miles in tow, we set out on our adventure. I am so glad we did.

As a rule, I think we all get very busy in the comings and goings of our lives...so much so that we forget how we got where we are. And if we remember how we got where we are, we often attribute it to the decisions we made in getting there. But this trip really brought me face to face with family that I hardly ever knew, whose lives are over now, but who are still forever intertwined with mine. So cool. I got to see glimpses of the Sassaman's who came to Florida in 1926 from a frigid home in Michigan to save the life of one of their five children who was sickly in the cold northern climate. They ended up in St. Pete where my great grandfather eventually became principal of St. Pete high school. They raised 5 kids there and built their house where they lived for the next 60 plus years with their own hands. I know they made mistakes and had ups and downs. But without them I couldn't be building my life right now. It is neat to know that the life's work of each generation paves the way for the next and we keep building...just trying to do what's right for ourselves and others. It's a history that is as much relevant in the past as it is right now. Giving all that you are capable of to connect the yesterdays with the tomorrows. It inspires me to know more about all of the the generations that came before on both sides of my family. How very valuable they are. I want to remember to teach these important stories to my children so they know none of us live in isolation from those that come before or after us...we live to the greater good of all.

I know this is kind of sappy and I think my Mom brain makes me a less pensive writer than I used to be, but if I could get anything right in my head to summarize what I am saying its this: It's so valuable to recognize the lives of those that came before us because by them living their everyday to the fullest they were giving the gifts of mothers and fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, stories of hope, courage, lessons of love, mistakes and failures. All these experiences turn into beautiful stained glass windows of experience with which we can look through one side and see our past and the other side and see our future. So often we think those windows we look through are just our own, but if we really look we can see the colors and shapes that make up the other generations that came before us. How much more meaningful things can be when seen with gracious eyes looking through those beautiful windows!

Okay, okay...I gotta clean this house my family is making windows in...so that's all the deep thoughts I get for today!! Happy Saturday!

New Years...

Well, Christmas has come and gone and it was a good one. Not just in terms of presents...although I think the kids made out quite well, but also in volume of memorable activities with our whole family. You can't beat that one. Everyone was here this year...my sisters, their husbands and kids. We are a big clan now...it's crazy! And just continuing to grow.



This year I have many hopes and dreams. I get so sappy at New Year's thinking about the year that has gone and filled with anticipation at what is to come. 2008 brought Baby Alice into our lives which was truly awesome and unbelievable. I am hoping 2009 will bring some much needed organization and direction for the next part of our lives where we anticipate being out of "the babies on the way stage" since all of our little ones are finally here!

I have struggled this year with how to keep my head on straight with all of the chaos of having 4 kids, a husband who works too much, kids at very different stages and my own wants and dreams. Admittedly, sometimes my dream is to just wake up to a clean kitchen! It's funny but this 4Th kid has really rocked my world. I think I have always been a little organizationally challenged, but I used to be able to keep up on some level. Seems lately I am barely able to keep my head above water. People going here and there, feeding baby round the clock, dealing with a 3-4 year old Miles, school projects, traveling Brian, Weston's often fun behavior...sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. All that said, at the end of the day I am always thankful that we made it through and we all love each other and we get another day to try again.

I enjoy watching people and I really enjoyed having both of my sisters here. They are quite different from each other and I can see parts of myself in each of them. It was neat for me to see that as different as they are, it is quite amazing that I am able to observe in them things that I can refresh in myself. One is so organized and practical, the other more free spirited...It is my hope to embody both in myself and have some time to reflect a bit on who I am in this world.

Perhaps 2009 will bring some much needed time to prioritize, organize, reflect and keep growing. It's so cool in life that you just keep plugging along until your time runs out. Perseverance is something that you don't necessarily appreciate in your youth. Luckily I am still young-ha- but really, I always wanted everything right here and right now. It is awesome to see that as life goes on you relish the fact that waiting and perseverance is an actual PRIVILEGE! How lucky I am to keep plugging along while God molds and transforms me into who he has planned for me to be. Maybe this year he has a bit more organizational rhythm in mind for me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...and helping him out with my own desire (and 9 cube organizer from Lowe's).

We are truly blessed and even in the messiness of this life it is the presence of those we love that make us whole. I already have that. Maybe my quest for a bit more predictable rhythm will just clear the fog away for me to see my blessings more clearly. Hope 2009 brings many blessings for you and yours! Happy New Year!